Twenty
Turning 20, reflecting on life, and setting goals for the year ahead.
Twenty
It's 3 AM. I've got an exam in a few hours that I'm definitely not prepared for, but here I am, sitting in my room thinking about how I just turned 20. Twenty fucking years on this planet. Wild.
I don't know why birthdays hit different when you're sleep-deprived and stressed about exams, but something about this one feels significant. Maybe it's because I'm officially not a teenager anymore, or maybe it's the caffeine talking, but I felt like writing this down.
The Weird Space I'm In
Turning 20 feels like being stuck between two worlds. I'm not a kid anymore, but I'm definitely not an adult either. I'm old enough to have opinions about politics, relationships, and the future, but young enough to still get excited about finding a new TV show to watched.
I spent most of my teenage years figuring out what I actually enjoy doing. Turns out, I still can't figure it out right now.
The best part? I actually found something I'm passionate about. Not everyone can say that at 20, and I don't take it for granted.
What This Year Taught Me
Code isn't everything, but it's a pretty good start. I used to think being good at programming was all that mattered. Turns out, communication, understanding people, and building stuff that actually solves problems is way more important than knowing every JavaScript framework.
Sleep is not optional. I learned this the hard way. All those nights staying up until 4 AM "being productive" were just me lying to myself. Turns out, your body and mind need rest to actually function like a human being.
People matter more than I thought. I used to be the type who could go days talking to nobody except my family. This year taught me that the random conversations with strangers, catching up with old friends, and even small talk with classmates actually matter. We're social creatures, even the introverted ones.
Family time hits different as you get older. When I was 16, hanging out with family felt like an obligation. Now? Some of my best conversations happen at the dinner table. Weird how perspective changes.
I'm not just a screen person. For the longest time, I thought coding was my only thing. But this year I realized I actually miss stuff I used to do, like charcoal sketching. I was pretty decent at it back in school, but somehow I just... stopped. Also discovered that hiking in the mountains is really fun thing to do.
Goals for Year 21
Alright, here's what I want to accomplish before I turn 21. Writing it down makes it real, right?
1. Read More Books
I used to read a lot as a kid. Then came high school, college, and suddenly I was too busy "building projects" and "learning to code" to pick up a book for fun. I miss getting completely lost in a story, or learning about something just because it's interesting, not because it'll help my career.
Time to rediscover that feeling of turning pages instead of scrolling screens.
2. Learn Something Completely New
This year I want to pick up a technology or skill that's completely outside my comfort zone. Maybe machine learning, maybe game development, maybe something I haven't even discovered yet.
The goal isn't to become an expert, just to stay curious and keep that beginner's mindset alive.
3. Get Back to My Creative Side
I used to sketch with charcoal back in school. Had a whole sketchbook filled with random drawings, portraits, landscapes, the works. Then after COVID JEE prep took over. Then college happened, coding took over, and my art supplies just started collecting dust.
I miss that. There's something about creating something with your hands that's completely different from writing code. This year, I want to get back to it. Maybe start with simple sketches again, work my way back up to the stuff I used to be proud of.
4. Actually Take Care of My Body
I've been going to the gym since last 7 months, but I want to be more consistent about it. Not just for looks, but because I genuinely feel better when I'm active. In the end health is wealth, right?
Also want to start going on more walks and runs. There's something meditative about just putting on headphones and walking for an hour without any destination in mind. I live in a city with some really good gardens and parks that I barely ever use. Time to change that.
5. Focus Better
This one's harder to measure, but I want to get better at focusing on one thing at a time. I have this habit of starting five different projects and finishing none of them. Or opening 20 browser tabs and somehow ending up watching YouTube videos about why cats are afraid of cucumbers.
I want to get better at sitting down, picking one thing, and actually finishing it.
6. Meet New People
I'm pretty ambiverted, but I've realized that some of my best ideas come from conversations with people who think differently than me. Whether it's through running in a garden, meeting someone on Discord, or a stranger at the mountain trail.
There's something magical about connecting with people who have completely different backgrounds, interests, or perspectives. Makes you realize how big the world actually is.
7. Spend More Time with Family
This one's important. I get so caught up in projects and deadlines that I forget to just... be present. More family dinners, more random conversations with my parents without looking at my phone, more talking with my siblings over calls.
They won't be around forever, and neither will I.
Random Thoughts at 3 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I'm moving too fast or too slow. Am I behind compared to other 20-year-olds? Am I ahead? Does it even matter?
I see people my age landing internships at big tech companies, getting into relationships, traveling to new countries, and sometimes I feel like I'm falling behind. Then I remember that everyone's path is different, and comparing yourself to others is just a recipe for misery.
What matters is that I'm learning, growing, and slowly figuring out what kind of person I want to become. Even if that person is just someone who reads more books, draws better sketches, and remembers to call their parents more often.
The Good Life
I've been incredibly lucky. I have parents who support my weird obsession with technology, access to education, a roof over my head, and the freedom to pursue what I'm passionate about.
Not everyone gets that. Hell, most people don't get that.
I'm grateful to God for putting me in circumstances where I can chase my dreams instead of just surviving. I'm grateful to my parents for supporting every weird phase I've gone through, from wanting to be an artist to obsessing over code to now wanting to do a bit of everything.
Most of all, I'm grateful for the simple stuff - having a bed to sleep in, food on the table, friends who actually care, and the luxury of being able to worry about "finding myself" instead of more serious problems.
This might sound cheesy, but I genuinely feel like I'm living a pretty great life. Sure, there are stressful moments (like right now with these exams), but overall? I'm exactly where I want to be.
What's Next?
I don't have everything figured out. I don't know where I'll be in 5 years, what company I'll work for, or even what kind of problems I'll be solving.
But I know I want to keep building things, keep learning, and keep trying to make a small dent in the world through code. And also through art, through conversations, through the small moments that happen when you're not staring at a screen.
Maybe by the time I turn 21, I'll have a sketchbook full of drawings again. Maybe I'll have hiked some new trails. Maybe I'll have figured out how to focus on one thing for more than 20 minutes without getting distracted. Or maybe I'll just have more questions. Either way, I'm excited to find out.
For now though, I should probably get some sleep before this exam. Future me is going to hate current me if I don't.
Here's to year 21. Let's see what happens.
Written at 3:17 AM while procrastinating studying for my exams. Some priorities never change.